|
Personal Business Coach
Inspired Development and Coaching |
|
|
| |
|
|
Top Assertiveness Tips
Although much of my coaching work is concerned with a business and strategic agenda, a leaders ability to connect with and influence individuals and groups, both within and external to the organisation, is a topic that comes up again and again. Sometimes this is related to presence and impact, sometimes it is about influence and negotiation, and sometimes it is about good old fashioned assertiveness.
If we are honest with ourselves, we all sometimes fail to assert ourselves as appropriately and effectively as we would like. Here then, by way of a reminder, are my top tips on assertiveness.
Assertiveness means:
Respecting myself - that is who I am and what I do Taking responsibility for myself - that is for how I feel and what I think and do. For example, "I feel angry when you put me down" is more assertive than, "You make me feel angry when you put me down".
Expressing my feelings - and recognising what I am feeling in the moment
Recognising my own needs and wants - as an individual person, that is separate from what is expected of me in particular roles.
Making clear "I" statements - about how I feel and what I think. For example, "I feel very uncomfortable with this decision". "I think it is a good idea to draw up a plan of action".
Saying "yes" or "no" for myself - you have the right to refuse Allowing myself to make mistakes - that is recognising that sometimes I will make a mistake and it is OK to make mistakes.
Allowing myself to enjoy my successes - that is validating myself and what I have done and sharing it with others
Changing my mind - if and when I choose, having paid attention to reasons, evidence. Asking for "thinking it over" time - for example, when people ask me to do something and I need time to consider whether or not to do it, "I will think it over and I will let you know my decision by the end of the week".
Asking for clarification - if I don't understand Asking for what I want - rather than hoping someone will notice what I want and moaning later that I did not get what I wanted. Asking for what I want does not always mean insisting on getting it.
Setting clear boundaries - for example, "I know that you would like me to visit you and thank you for inviting me. I am however unable to come this weekend and would like to visit you later in the year.
Being the judge of my own behaviour - independent of the goodwill of others
Recognising that I have a responsibility towards others - rather than being responsible for others.
Recognising other people's right to be assertive too.
Deciding whether or not to assert myself
If the topic of assertiveness is of interest to you and you would like to learn more, in our opinion by far the best book available on the subject is: Assertiveness at work by Ken and Kate Back, McGraw-Hill Professional; 3rd edition (2005), ISBN-13: 978-0077114282
|
|
